That feeling when you think the world should stop. Or that every post on facebok should be the same and yet life continues, facebook doesn’t even seem to know – your dear friend has passed away.
I first met him when I moved to a new school for the last term of year 7. We danced together in graduation practices, we went to Canberra together. But I didn’t really have much to do with him until year 8.
He was in my first high school home group and we had half of our classes together. He was a smart boy and lots of fun, we were soon amongst a group of friends hanging out together at lunch and recess. Him and another boy with all us girls.
We did three musical productions together, he was my partner as we walked to the stage in Black Hills of Dakota, we cruised together on SS American and he led me as Captain of Winkies in that place over the rainbow
He was there at our girly sleepovers and our many group catch ups. I moved off to college but still saw him on weekends home and holidays. I was tempted to invite him to my prom/formal and watched jealously as another friend had our two boys on her arms for theirs. I did one day ask him out but he wisely (and oh so nicely) declined and we moved in together the year after as flat mates for university.
The morning after moved in we walked out of bedrooms at exactly the same time! Our flat was sparsely furnished, our meals were much less than flash. I loved McLeods Daughters and he loved Star Trek. We had some truly great times.
When I moved out my boyfriend moved in so he was still stuck with us, how I treasure those times now. Walking with us on one of our first dates. He was quirky and would pick up random stuff off the street for me, a stuffed animal and earrings which quickly went in the bin!
And then I was married and living on the farm and we didn’t see each often at all. He was at my children’s baptisms and I’ve got a precious beach photo from a visit to the city.
He beat one lot of cancer and then early this year was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. I happened to be in the city when I first found out and a well timed phone call meant I could visit (kids in tow). He was in the cardio ward with fluid around his heart. One of his brothers was a marrow match and a transplant was planned but next I heard he was headed home. We were told he had two weeks to live.
We got the old group all back together for one last games day. Friends for life.
I was fortunate to see him for more visits as he lived on another couple months, continuing to live life to the fullest with a new girlfriend (and Star Trek socks!)
I wish I could describe the person he was not just the times we shared, I wish I could’ve hugged him harder each of those last times I saw him, telling him how much he meant to me. I wish he was a christian. I wish the world was stopped right now and that everyone knew what we are now missing, my amazing friend. It’s only been hours but I miss you so