This was a HARD week, made harder by all the mind games my head likes to play on me, here’s how it went down…
Monday wasn’t too bad -I dropped my daughter off at kindy, my son at my Mums and went to a class at the gym before seeing a few clients for work. Home after kindy and exhausted lounged on the couch with kids.
Tuesday – home day – been hating these lately, too much pressure to get stuff done and constant kid-wrangling/entertaining. This should have been a less pressured week because there was nothing pressing to achieve, but rather than relax I felt guilty I wasn’t using the time properly to take advantage of it. My number one problem over-thinking!!
Wednesday/workday – have been a bit out of the zone lately work-wise and after lunch was so tempting to nap in the car but thank goodness I pushed and got my notes all done
Thursday – went into town at 11 for a day of appointments and finally bookclub*
Friday – all week I had been struggling with the fear I was sliding into depression, I had a major lack of energy, was watching dvds any chance I had – not enjoying it though because of guilt. But today I looked back at my week realised I had achieved something each day and I made a plan. I started as soon as I got up tidying my childrens wardrobes and putting the sheets on for a wash (had been feeling crap about their ill-fitting clothes) and although I did hit a wall by 8am and cooked a shit lunch for my family I got through and had a great afternoon, asked for parents to pretty please deliver chicken so I could cook a meal, visited the neighbours and most awesome of all folded all the washing. Has been weeks in the trenches but I think I can finally declare I am on top of the washing, for you know all of 2 seconds! Then suddenly the house felt the cleanest it had been in weeks and life looked so much brighter. It was a real turning point.
It’s holidays now so maybe it was just a case of end of term fatigue but I hate how a few bad days – normal stay-at-home Mum/ housewife days really, quickly resulted in constant over-analysis of could this be depression – I’m a bad person – I’m almost suicidal. Obviously more to work on there but as soon as I broke out and felt a bit better, I was on cloud nine, soaking in grateful smiles and engaging with the world.
*book review to come!