December is a bit of a weird month for me.
As a farmer’s wife we may be in the midst of harvest, my husband is well-worn out from working all hours and I’m worn out from trying to provide food and all-the care of our children. And then it stops and we both have different needs. I need some quality time together and he just needs a bit of nothing. I try to be patient but farm life can be lonely and isolating and there’s other Christmas stressors…
December is the month our first son was stillborn. This year by complete chance the kids and I were at his cemetery in November. This left my heart very heavy. A helpful counsellor reminded me how fatiguing grief is, no matter how how ‘good’ we may be at dealing with it.
I do like Christmas, especially time with loved ones but I’m not so big on decorations and Santa and thinking of everyone and what to buy. I did well not to feel the pressure of Christmas too early this year but still the desire to make this time of year special for my children does not fit well with what December really represents for me.
And then there’s the busy-ness of life. As a volunteer I’m well able to slow things down when I want/need and this was half-way through November for me this year. Probably too early because suddenly I was left with time to do all the things I really don’t want to do (very much housework related) and the guilt of it not being a time issue but simply ‘I don’t care enough’ issue.
So I got down in the dumps and it’s been hard to claw myself up. During my ‘time-out’ I indulged in reading, puzzling and sleeping around the basic activities of household and children. Now as my days feel a bit brighter and my belief in myself is returning, it’s still a bit hard to get in to proper routine – after all it is school holiday time. I do continue surviving each day, my children smile despite constant fights and proclaimed boredom and a new year is just about upon us.
Belated Christmas Greetings Wp world!
p.s. Despite the whinge /reflection I did have a good Christmas, lots of family, food and love for which I am very grateful. It’s always so comforting to be around people who love your children almost as much as you and accept you just as you are – my family is just that for me, for which I am very grateful.