life · parenting · relationships · Uncategorized

Great Expectations

This blog has been a real struggle, choosing a topic and finding the energy to flesh it out. Mostly I wanted to write about how tired (and GRUMPY) I am but I couldn’t see that being overly entertaining. I’m disappointed in myself, I really want to give this blogging thing a good go – weekly posts or at least fortnightly but it has now been 18 days since my last post. At the same time I know I don’t want it to be an extra pressure of something to do on the never-ending list.

This last weekend was our least busy in goodness knows how long and I’d been looking forward to it so much, but then n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Even after a week of turning down fun activities (Australia vs England netball game, bookclub, Bad Moms with some wonderful Mummy friends) in order to catch up on much needed sleep, I was STILL tired.

We have reached a golden part of the year, a break between footbal and cricket seasons, a time to FINALLY get some bigger jobs done around the house, I have SO much I want to achieve but…but…but….

The topic I actually chose to write about this week was friendships. I spent last week emotionally drained by a hard one, only to find when I caught up with the person involved, that the big deal I’d made it out to be didn’t eventuate at all. I’ve also come to see I’m very jealous of others friendships, particularly what I see posted on good ‘ole FB. I think the answer is devoting time for building my own friendships, unfortunately  I’m tired AND grumpy.  Sorry does seem to be the recurring theme!

I do have great friends who seem to accept me as I am but I want a bosom buddy, even if that’s not really my style. I’m more of a floater, trying to be friends with everyone, at the same time not really getting close with anyone. At a party I flit around from one group to another, chatting with everyone but in some ways no one. Ideally I would love that one friend I could go sit with absolutely whenever and know we can talk or just sit together.

All this said I AM generally content with my friendships, although just lately wishing I could visibly recognise effort others put in versus just me. I also wish I could let loose and not think about the housework I could be doing with free time instead of catching up with friends.

Life’s busyness and motherhood makes devoting time to friendships, let’s face it, even just yourself hard but family and children are worth all their energy sapping-ness. This morning I watched my boy climbing sheep fences, tank ladders and enjoying time with his father and grandfather. This totally makes life meaningful. (And on the housework side of things even if the big jobs didn’t get done on the weekend I still managed to stay on top of the laundry which feels great – thanks Flylady). Plus my hubby hasn’t stopped talking to me despite my snappiness and my daughter is starting to accept my music choices in the car – it’s been a good day.

 

 

* I think routine (already established during the week) helps, wonder what I can do with free weekends to balance letting go and being productive?!?

 

life · parenting · Uncategorized

Snatches of Time

I was just about to have a Sunday afternoon nap. It was the perfect opportunity, Mr. 3 was finally down for a sleep and Miss 6 was set up with a movie in the lounge room. Except I started doing what I often do – checking/justifying if I could indeed give myself a break or if I needed to be using this snatch of time for a more useful purpose.

There was indeed plenty I could be doing housework wise but… it is the weekend so well you know. Then I also knew there was study I could be doing… but again, come on it’s a sunday afternoon. Next I started looking at my week ahead – in town all day tomorrow so really only Tuesday morning for housework, hmmm that’s not a lot of time, enough maybe to keep on top of it but not to get ahead and I am really keen to get my bedroom and study presentable-ish.

I’ve had a good couple weeks of taking things a bit easy, recovering from end of semester, then surviving the school holidays plus I’ve started reading a 7+ book series! Then I started thinking about a possible blog post idea and here I am out of bed typing away.

This is I believe my hardest stay-a-home struggle, justifying how I spend my time. I’m not much of a cook or housekeeper so I don’t claim that’s what takes up my time. I do a little bit of volunteer work but nothing that should be too time-consuming and of course I do work 1-2 days a week but I also spend a lot of time reading or face-booking. And mothering, we all know that’s a hard gig but I’d be lying if I tried to say there was no down-time. It’s unpredictable so you can’t plan for those moments of peace and you never know how long they’ll last but they do exist, indeed I’m hoping I’ve got about 2hours worth up my sleeve right now.

Then I start to feel guilt, I know Hubby doesn’t get these snatches of time during his work day (although he does get sleep ins and lunch breaks!) to do whatever he wants. And here I am out of bed instead of resting my truly weary eyes.

I will go back to bed now, I’m pretty sure I’ll get some time a bit later to hang the washing up, cook tea, maybe organise my study folders and most importantly read??

 

How do you spend your free-time? Do you get the guilts?