relationships

Just saying G’day

Would have really liked to do a post this week but alas the weekend is almost over and I spent my evening watching and reflecting on an awesome Australian Survivor episode :p

Things have been pretty tough in my marriage lately. In lieu of a post I’d like to share this poem from Pleasant Street at Are You Thrilled which really struck and resonated with me:

No man’s land

I set up camp there
when my world is too much
and yours is unreachable
I build my safety net there
even though you never
asked me to

(your claim is full disclosure)

What do I need?
I don’t remember, as I have
learned to do without
this ground
with its rotting and wounded
feels oddly safe

Affection would be nice
after all this time
but I can get myself off
like any other day
and I hear you say ‘no’
not that kind of touch

The touch of lips on a heart
injured and bleeding

(no man left behind?)

 

If you are the praying kind please consider a prayer for my husband and I, and our two beautiful living children, that we can continue living faithfully together as a family.

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reviews · Uncategorized

Amazing Matilda

I returned from a morning smoko this week with hubby, utterly disappointed with my truly uninterested audience’s response to my review from having attended Matilda the Musical the night before! Fortunately I have a blog to express my views on too – so here is take 2 on my ravings, fingers crossed you are more appreciative 😛

Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical as performed at the Adelaide Festival Theatre – *spoilers abound*

Walking into the theatre and seeing the set, was a bit like the Beast leading Belle into the castle’s library.

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Then came the first song, SO. MUCH. ENERGY. It was phenomenal, particularly the choreography.  The next highlight for me was the School Song, the lyrics to this (and again the dancing!) blew me away.

“So you think you’re a (A)ble
To survive this mess by be (B) ing a Prince or a Princess
You will soon see(C)
There’s no escaping tragedy (D)
And e (E) ven (E)
If you put in heaps of eff (F)ort
You’re just wasting energy(G)
‘Cause your life as you know it is an (H) cient  history

All the way through to … Just you wait for Phys-ed (Z)” (from Matilda London Cast – School Song Lyrics | MetroLyrics)

We soon meet Miss Trunchball – character perfection! First her (his) twirling baton in the first act but so much more spectacularly and hilariously in the song The Smell of Rebellion. The second act started with an almost comedic routine by Matilda’s Dad Mr. Wormwood. He started with the hallmarks of a ‘don’t try this at home’ warning, quite relevant for all the gymnastic moves we’d seen so far, but instead directed at reading. My niece was giving off death stares, how dare he speak against books and poor Nicole who put her hand up!

I can’t say enough how much the cast amazed me with their dancing. Favourites for me included Bruce, When I Grow Up (the swings!) and Revolting Children (particularly Bruce’s centre stage!)

All the characters were so well performed, Mrs Wormwood, Matilda’s brother Michael, Miss Honey, Miss Phelps and the Russian Boss with his pink lolly pop  – just to name a limited few. And to end it all off they came out for the finale riding colourful scooters.

It truly a masterpiece. Thank you to my family for taking me.

Within the program (which, yes I read cover to cover!) comments by the music and lyric and script writer’s (Dennis Kelly and Tim Minchin) were written under the title Books vs Stories. Dennis Kelly suggested a very good research direction – ‘do chimps tell stories’ and do animals have imagination? For he proposed our imaginations are a ‘vibrant necessary part of being alive’ and ‘without stories we’re just eating machines with shoes’. I’ve just shared a video on FB in response to Pauline Hanson’s* hideous comments regarding (I believe) segregation of children on the autism disorder spectrum. Matilda the Musical demonstrates that there are two types of people – those who love stories and those who don’t. It is clear to me which group Ms Hanson is in – the mean, irritating and stupid. So unlike the Miss Honey’s of the world; kind generous, alive and loving. ‘Denying stories is denying the most human part of being a human.’ Much like Ms Hanson is deny the lived experience/story of all people with disabilities.

I also took away from this show not so much the message to be A Little Bit Naughty although Matilda taught it well but something I prefer to tell my children that

Just because you find that life’s not fair it
Doesn’t mean that you just have to grin and bear it!
If you always take it on the chin and wear it
You might as well be saying
You think that it’s okay
And that’s not right!
And if its not right!
You have to put it right!

But nobody else is gonna put it right for me
nobody but me is gonna change my story

Tim Minchin wrote that ‘stories are best when… like a rollercoaster, with highs and lows, twists and turns, a good bit of fear and the significant risk that someone may vomit, ‘ which indeed Matilda had all, with music to accentuate all of these experiences.

After attending events like this I suddenly have a great desire to become a leading supporter of the Arts, unfortunately this like my dream job of being a philanthropist tends to go by the way side. But I do go a little bit crazy on Wikipedia and FB like-ing.  While as a christian I don’t think I can fully support Tim Minchin (renound atheist), his talent is undeniable and Matilda and Me his DVD is officially on my wishlist.

To finish off – interesting fact, Roald Dahl began writing Matilda when he was 70

 

life · study · Uncategorized

Home day curse?

I’ve done my back. Well actually the issue is more in my hips and it is very much improved from Wednesday but….

First time this year I had some free time our puppy broke his leg

Second time I got majorly stressed out

Third time I couldn’t walk for 2 days

I’m sensing a pattern I am in no way impressed with. But then again these things are meant to come in threes so I should be ok now, right? Right?!?

Life however is good

I’ve been really enjoying A Place to Call Home although it has also challenged my beliefs around homosexuality – the treatment of a man in this series because of his sexual desires is horrific

I’ve caught up on my wordpress feed, so much good stuff – I think my next challenge is to read a non-fiction book perhaps one by Neil Postman

I’ve handed in all due assignments so far – this week will be the big challenge though with my first lengthy essay.

All three of my teams won their games today – be warned netball related post on my mind

I love my kids and family – what more can i say 🙂

Hope you’re weekend is going well, preferably less the aches and pains I’m experiencing but also full of love.

 

It’s nice to touch base, God bless

 

ps Feel free to share a tidbit from your life – I need all the distraction from study I can get!!

life · mental health · Uncategorized

The Failed Experiment

The other night I started a reading for my ‘Working with Mental Health’ course about anxiety and I must say I was feeling pretty impressed with myself. Alas the pride before the fall (or however the saying goes). I was feeling good about how I hadn’t really been experiencing anxiety that I could think of, hooray my self-confidence seemed to be travelling well.

I had a great Saturday but work Friday and Sunday were stressful, not unexpectedly leading up to work-shadowing on Monday! An anxious response to such an event is perfectly normally (as my reading told me). But now I must confess to my attempted experiment. I’ve had a few weekends away recently when I’ve left my medications at home and survived! Following that I thought to myself, well perhaps I’m ready to reduce my anti-depressants, and without consultation I stopped one of my daily tablets reducing my intake by 75mg.

Today I declared this experiment a failure and returned to taking my prescribed dosage. And I’m annoyed. I’ve been feeling more stressed and emotionally worn out but there is no evidence to be able to assuredly say that this is because of my reduced medication. It could just as likely be due simply to more stressful life circumstances in recent weeks. But why put myself through extra stress if the tablets do help? And so my brain has been on over-drive, overthinking, over analyzing over …  I was going to wait until after today to decide if it was medication or life affecting me, as today is my free day. No kids, no travel, just home with a chance to get on top of things. I’ve been waiting for this day and now that it’s here there is pressure to make sure it’s not wasted. Pressure on my free day?!? Good work brain. So I took the tablet this morning and I’m annoyed at myself at being disappointed. I have no qualms about taking medication for my mental health and yet it still seems an ideal to reduce that medication. I like to think it’s a cost thing because less medications equals less money spent but I’m financially blessed so really what does it matter…..?

Now faithful readers I’m going to give you an insight into the justifications that have been going round and round my head – reasons why I’ve been feeling more stressed out:

  • Reading about anxiety is bound to bring up feelings of anxiety
  • Assignments are looming and I don’t feel like I’ve had a chance to sit down and really focus on study (that was what today was for)
  • The box of papers that I’ve been constantly adding to, to sort through, but not finding time to deal with
  • Waking up to a messy kitchen/house
  • Relationship stuff
  • Parenting stuff
  • Just a general sense of not feeling on top of all that is coming up
  • Decisions to be made around playing netball and after school activities
  • Feeling so worn out and taking time to nap rather than putting those drawers I bought weeks ago into my bedroom and continuing the process of decluttering
  • Preparing for upcoming birthdays
  • Buying a new car
  • Preparing for work
  • Doing those exercises my therapist gave me not to mention trying to eat better…
  • Making time for blogging 😊
  • Actually clearing the table not just reorganising into different piles!
  • Oooh not to mention my period starting

Oh my what a release to actually write some of those things out. I am a list lover but I’ve tended in recent times to avoid them as they so often get made and then simply added to that box of papers. I think I can work with this list above. I think I may be able to acknowledge some of those stressors and move on.

I feel like this week my brain has gone back to that cycle of overthinking whereas when I’m truly well, I don’t think I just do. I don’t rehash and work on justifying I just feel. But I’m not really sure maybe it’s all just the reverse-placebo effect, maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, maybe I’m mis-remembering.

And maybe today was a good day. Maybe today was just what I needed to get back on track of all those thoughts going round and round. Another good day. I got what I needed to done, not all that would have been ideal but some extra stuff too aka a normal good day. I don’t really care about the medication, even though I’m feeling much better now I’m not goin to re-attempt the experiment (just yet :p ) but I will keep working on and addressing my mental health after all it’s what keep me sane!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship….

Books · life · Uncategorized

Life Update & WWW Wednesday

Surprise, surprise, life has been busy!! I didn’t get to do this post last week because I was hosting an English/Russian/German themed Exposure inspired book club. As usual it was a fantabulous night of laughs and food!

I cooked (!) (my once a year effort) Yorkshire pudding with Apple sausage in Onion Gravy, mashed potato, peas and carrots. Dessert was this very simple (but tasty!) fruit cobbler with farm grown plums and Foster Clarks custard (no, I don’t have a share in the company girls!). I also had cheese and dips (bookclub staple) along with german sausages, pretzels and cavier (apparently Russian?). I found my questions here and the night was a wonderful success. Two of us had a great discussion on why we loved it, two others couldn’t get through it and the other finisher was a bit ‘meh’ 🙂

Since then life has been all a-go. A friend come out the following day, after I’d already done a load of dishes sadly, but I did get her to supervise while I worked on clearing out one room and moving a bookshelf in from another room.

Friday I somehow crammed in three clients before the three hour drive to our city to start a weekend intensive on Emotion Focused Therapy. It was a full on few days, spent fortunately with lovely people. I would love to give you a blurb on EFT, but that would require more brain power than I have available to me at the moment, if anyone already knows about it, would love your thoughts!! Seems to involve some confronting but powerful techniques.

I then made a quick trip up into the Hills to make an appearance at my cousin’s post wedding party. Just lovely to spend an hour catching up with family before the drive home this time with my family (and experimenting the back roads!).

Would have been lovely to relax then on monday but Hubby and I took our puppy back to the surgeon for a 4 week check up and left him there for another surgery 😦 He will be on even stricter bed rest this time – eeek. Thereafter I’ve had chauffering, household chores, meetings, appointments and work. Tomorrow I’ve got the 5 hour round trip to pick up puppy again…..

And then we have reading 🙂 Following Sam’s meme hosted at Taking on a World of Words. Anyone can participate. All you’ve got to do is answer the three Ws below and post a link to your answers here.

The Three Ws are:

What are you currently reading?
What did you recently finish reading?
What do you think you’ll read next?

Finished reading: Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty, I absolutely loved this book – funny, poignant and just good reading. From Goodreads ‘Big Little Lies is a brilliant take on ex-husbands and second wives, mothers and daughters, schoolyard scandal, and the dangerous little lies we tell ourselves just to survive.’

Currently reading: Still trying to read Committed, little by little. Havn’t made time for anything else though.

Reading next: I need to get started on Snow and Shadow by Dorothy Tse, next months book club book. I also saw the below clip on Facebook this morning and along with Sam’s books in the car (and everywhere) it’s made me think about seeing if I could find Constance Hall’s book in audio format to listen to in the car…

Happy reading to you all

ps I really really need to be spending time planning my son’s 4th birthday next week….

faith · Future · life · Uncategorized

This place

Welcome lucky reader, tonight you get three blogs in one or none if this draft doesn’t come together…(came down to two albeit short and simple)

The topic I’ve been working on is based on 50 Things I Want To Do (And Will Do) In My Life — Vincent Carlos

Here’s my own smaller list of 20 things that I want to do (and will do) with my life in the next 20 years.

  1. Become a foster parent
  2. Start a local women’s support group/business
  3. Shop ethically and economically
  4. Create a lovely home environment for my family
  5. More specifically – outdoor patio, bbq, reading area
  6. Get involved in politics
  7. Publish a weekly blog with a community of followers
  8. Reach and maintain my goal weight
  9. Stay married
  10. Support my children through their lives specifically education
  11. Work or volunteer for a charity
  12. Go to Paris
  13. Travel overseas, I’d love to do all the continents
  14. Share my faith
  15. Read on average a book a week
  16. Buy a house
  17. Be a philanthropist
  18. Have a good reputation as a caring open person
  19. Umpire a netball game
  20. Make time for regular play with my children, catch ups with family and friends

Image result for one day... you will be at the place you always wanted to be

Then I saw this photo and quite happily came to the realisation I am exactly where I want to be. Life is good. I get annoyed and tired each day. But I have dreams and they feel completely achievable. I am in love with and thankful for Hubby. My children are my delight. I have a home, a job and financial security. I have been depression free for almost a year. I have a busy social life and still time (although never enough) for reading and relaxing. Seriously I have nothing to complain about. Sorry to be a snob and I know I’m tempting the universe but WOW I want to enjoy it while I’m here.

 

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Col 3:17

 

What about you, do you have dreams to share? Are you in ‘that’ place, have you been there before or can you see it on the horizon?

 

I pray that ‘he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!’ Ps 20:4

 

ps I’ve blogged before about my dreams collecting dust on the shelf and just wanted to share that I’ve taken action this week on #2 , looking for a partner in crime 🙂

 

life · parenting · Uncategorized

Snatches of Time

I was just about to have a Sunday afternoon nap. It was the perfect opportunity, Mr. 3 was finally down for a sleep and Miss 6 was set up with a movie in the lounge room. Except I started doing what I often do – checking/justifying if I could indeed give myself a break or if I needed to be using this snatch of time for a more useful purpose.

There was indeed plenty I could be doing housework wise but… it is the weekend so well you know. Then I also knew there was study I could be doing… but again, come on it’s a sunday afternoon. Next I started looking at my week ahead – in town all day tomorrow so really only Tuesday morning for housework, hmmm that’s not a lot of time, enough maybe to keep on top of it but not to get ahead and I am really keen to get my bedroom and study presentable-ish.

I’ve had a good couple weeks of taking things a bit easy, recovering from end of semester, then surviving the school holidays plus I’ve started reading a 7+ book series! Then I started thinking about a possible blog post idea and here I am out of bed typing away.

This is I believe my hardest stay-a-home struggle, justifying how I spend my time. I’m not much of a cook or housekeeper so I don’t claim that’s what takes up my time. I do a little bit of volunteer work but nothing that should be too time-consuming and of course I do work 1-2 days a week but I also spend a lot of time reading or face-booking. And mothering, we all know that’s a hard gig but I’d be lying if I tried to say there was no down-time. It’s unpredictable so you can’t plan for those moments of peace and you never know how long they’ll last but they do exist, indeed I’m hoping I’ve got about 2hours worth up my sleeve right now.

Then I start to feel guilt, I know Hubby doesn’t get these snatches of time during his work day (although he does get sleep ins and lunch breaks!) to do whatever he wants. And here I am out of bed instead of resting my truly weary eyes.

I will go back to bed now, I’m pretty sure I’ll get some time a bit later to hang the washing up, cook tea, maybe organise my study folders and most importantly read??

 

How do you spend your free-time? Do you get the guilts?