relationships · Uncategorized

Relationships – marriage and in-laws (yes eeeek!)

As part of my studies this year I have to practice counselling skills with friends and family – lucky them!

A few weeks ago I spoke with my mother-in-law.

We have a very up and down relationship –  from my viewpoint at least.

She is incredibly helpful in terms of child care but she is also…at times…hard to handle. Sadly my husband has a poor-ish relationship with her, for which he has his reasons but nonetheless I would love to see him also acknowledge what she does for him, out of love. Actually my husbands family’s dynamics are all a bit foreign to me. They are not overly communicative and although close(ish) don’t really seem to connect with each other on an emotional level.

It was very interesting and eye-opening talking with her. Their marriage has its issues (don’t they all?!) and I’ve been seeing it from my husband and his Dad’s perspective without realising it.

I hate seeing them the way they are. It’s obviously not healthy for them but nor is it healthy for my own relationship for this to be the role-models in our (ok husbands) lives. I hope they can find a way to communicate better to each other both their needs and desires just as I hope my husband and I can continue to improve our communication and relationship – this marriage thing is a tough gig.




All you need is love

“All you need is love” – this was on a wedding invitation I received this year. I hated it, hugely cynical all I could think about was that this was a second marriage for both partners, and if all you need is love what happened in their first marriages? Didn’t they have any love for their first husband/wife? *

This weekend marriage was legalised for homosexual couples in all states of America. I do not rejoice in this news. I am a christian and I believe God created us man and woman for a purpose and I believe homosexuality is a sin.

The problem I face is that I am one of the biggest sinners out there, on par with all other sinners in this world. My reprieve is found in the cross, Jesus’ sacrificial death, His grace, which has forgiven me all my sins.

So when people say love is love is love I find it hard to disagree. How can I say the love I feel for my husband (mostly!) is more pure than a gay or lesbian couple feel for each other? I can’t. I don’t understand how God allows these feelings to occur, but I imagine it is the Devils work. (Which I realise is a hugely horrible thing to say about the love a person feels). I don’t believe a person chooses to have homosexual feelings but I do believe as a christian they have the choice whether or not to act on them. This is in the knowledge that I too know sinning is wrong yet I do it on a daily basis. No sin is worse than another sin but we can make choices to help us stay away from sin ie not living together before marriage.

So again I go back to the saying love is love is love and I’ll add except when its not. I sometimes see on facebook posts about how all children need is love and I disagree. Yes love is hugely hugely important but so too is food, shelter and security. And in the same way love is not enough in marriage, it is a commitment to work together even when love is not altogether present.

I do not wish to discriminate against LGBT communities. We all have our own choices in life to make. I support civil unions as I believe these couples deserve the same equal rights as married couples but I believe God ordained marriage as between a man and a woman and for that reason I do not support gay marriage.

These two articles express my opinions well  and