blogging · life · mental health · relationships

Off to a good start

This past Christmas week has been full of the highs of festivities with friends and families but also lows of feeling flat, dealing with children and a lack of motivation/direction. The lows culminated in a head cold which thankfully gave me an excuse to lay low. An excuse also helped me build a fighting spirit and I finished off the week ready to bring in the New Year.

It can be tough when you finally reach the much longed-for break at the end of the year. My husband and I of course struggle with different expectations. I’ve generally already had a few slower weeks and am ready to, or at least wanting to be ready to, start doing some jobs together but he’s only just getting a chance to stop and generally still has a few daily work things that need seeing to.

Today on the first day of the year I’ve been productive and bright and hopeful and just HOORAY! As I always say on the flipside of a rough day or two – the hardest part about is not knowing how long it will last. This blog is an amazing reminder that it does always pass, generally much quicker than it feels.

Although not big on New Years resolutions I still think they have a place – I need something to aim towards, particularly this time of year when I actually have time. Last year I had a lot of goals for this blog which really didn’t come to fruition. I was going to do:

  • weekly Gratitude/Positives of the Week Post
  • WWW – Wednesday + When are you reading? challenge
  • fortnightly issue post
  • random regulars
  • 2+ weekly posts?!?

I did say it was wishful thinking at the time LOL

This year I’m focusing on personal goals:

  • Spend 5 minutes outdoors every day –  I’m hoping it will be 5 deliberate minutes and maybe even involve a bit of mindfulness and fitness too.
  • Keep working on my marriage. I made a casual suggestion today at morning tea that we should have a night each week where we discuss the week ahead which wasn’t received well – all suggestions seem to be work to him rather than opportunities. One relationship theory I studied last year by the Gottman’s was called Sound House Relationship – I’m really wanting to work on Building Our Love Maps and Creating Shared Meaning together – the other levels I hope I can strive for myself making a positive impact on my loving man
  • House goals – work towards getting a patio built and changing our lounge room carpet/set up (I’d love to take out a wall!)
  • Continue my slow journey towards decluttering – I’m happy with my pace and progress. I actually think my Fly Lady routine of ‘a load a day, keeps chaos away’ has changed my life!
  • oooh and study I want to start preparing again for that…….especially PRAC (eeek/:D)

Blog wise my brainwave today was to try and learn about my followers. It truly amazes me that 156 people have clicked that follow button. I know it means different things to everyone and I’m nowhere near 156 likes but WoW. I reflected recently that I’m not really a writer but community is super important to me. I think one of things I learnt about myself in 2017 is that I struggle socially out and about but I love reading and feeling connected, even if I can’t manage it all the time!

I’m back to writing down lists to do and feeling positive about 2018. I pray you are too,

God bless.

Dear Lord, give me wisdom and guide me to the choices You want me to make. Amen.

 

 

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blogging

How to be Happy

I feel like lately  my posts have had a negative vibe. I tend to turn to WordPress and blogging when life is throwing me lemons. It’s my anonymous outlet to share and process. I think that’s healthy, but I also feel it’s a bit dishonest. Just as social media can be guilty of being a disproportionately positive view of our lives, WordPress might be the flip side of that for me.

Last night I finished a truly beautiful book ‘How to be Happy’ by Eva Woods (also published as Something Like Happy), it followed an unlikely friendship on a journey of 100 days of happiness and some truly life-changing experiences. One of things I enjoyed about this book was how it touched on a number of issues without delving into unnecessary depth, they were simply there, part of the story – syrian refugees, gay relationships including an orthodox greek gay christian and cot death. Cancer and death was a large part of the novel and I felt realistically portrayed.

Today I’ve started reading Kent Haruf’s Our Souls at Night which I’m enjoying particularly the writing style and characters but I’m also a bit sad as Louis and Addie share about their past marriages which left much to be desired. That is a big part of where my marriage is at, much to be desired. With our kids getting older, my mental health a lot more stable and future dreams starting to take shape I’m ready to dig deeper into our relationship and strive for true intimacy. My husband however is still happy with where we are at, maybe too busy with his own work.

I’ve also been reflecting on my desire to write. I’ve had more time since study finished for the year but it’s never reached the top of my ‘to-do’ list. I don’t think I’m much of a writer actually. I like to share my thoughts but the process of writing them down often feels too laborious. I think what I want to share today is not (unfortunately) how to be happy, but that while I love this WordPress community I don’t think I’ll be writing much in the New Year. I’m going to keep reading though! Thank you to people who do follow and connect with me, and to those I follow and (I like to think) know me – I love this journey we are all on.

Merry Christmas – may God bless your celebrations at this time of year.

 

ps This will be my 100th post!

life · relationships · Uncategorized

Three Thoughts

My first personal memory of a community in mourning was when a woman was murdered from a previous workplace of mine. Even when you may not be closely associated with a person, the magnitude of the loss of their life can still floor you. I guess that is how it is for some people with celebrity deaths.

In recent times my local community has been struck by tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. As I watched footage tonight of six young pall bearers I reflected on the honour that no person wants but that I was so blessed to have for My Friend. Thought One.

Secondly I’ve finally had the ‘holiday’ experience I’ve been dreaming of this week – ending the day with episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. But (spoiler alert) I’m watching the episodes about Keppner and Avery’s baby and reflecting on the choice I was once given to terminate my pregnancy. Mostly I consider the blessing I had to continue to carry him in my womb, for which I will forever be grateful. Thought Two.

Today was about tax, work notes, Telstra and chores. Thought Three – I hate end of year time as part of my in-laws family business. I hate what I feel to be judgement and a complete misunderstanding of who I am and my values. But on the bright side hubby and I have been communicating well and that is something I wish I could hang onto for all time.

Any thoughts you care to get off you chest?

God bless

faith · relationships · Uncategorized

Pimples on my tongue

Does anyone else get pimples on their tongues?

I think it could be a stress thing…I also swear my teeth get sharper at certain times of the year causing pimples, I’ve had two recently and its annoying.

Please give me advice so I don’t have to resort to Doctor Google!

 

In other news….

I started this draft post a month ago Is it over yet? Part 2

 

communicating with hubby…

wanting him to tell me he cares….

in-laws separation…..

 

It has been a tough month relationship wise, I was near breaking point really when I wrote my man a letter and the next morning without explicit prompting he said, ‘I’m sorry.’ Wow can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I read so much into those simple words, that he understood why I was upset and that he could see that his actions had hurt me. So once again there’s hope.

One thing I have been struggling with is I think he is actually the one suffering at the moment and so for me to be having thoughts of needing more from him feels selfish. I do however believe he needs to let me in. I can’t ignore my own needs if he doesn’t share with me. Communication is slow and progress slower still (so it feels) but at least it’s moving again.

 

Short post but I think that’s enough. Wishing you all a blessed weekend and in particular that your relationships may flourish.

 

Actually I do have something else to add, this step forward has been a real answer to prayer. I found this blog approximately 3 years ago, printed it out and stuck it in my Bible. Such a good way to approach conflict in marriage – to pray for your partner. Definitely not always easy but in those times I take comfort that the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Rom 8:26 (Thanks Vanessa)

 

From Becky Thompson 10 Prayers for my Husbands Heart

Lord, I ask that you would touch my husband’s heart. I pray that his heart would be…

1.)    CONFIDENT of Your love for Him.

2.)    SENSITIVE to the promptings of Your Holy Spirit.

3.)    BRAVE as he follows you in all areas of his life.

4.)    SOFT so that he may show Your love to others always.

5.)    WISE in always discerning truth.

6.)    GENTLE with my heart and the hearts of our children.

7.)    RECEPTIVE of my love for him.

8.)    STRONG in doing what you have called him to do.

9.)    PROTECTED from the lusts that would try to ensnare it.

10.)  REFLECTIVE of the love of his Heavenly Father.

Father, I thank You for the wonderful man that You have given me. Help me to always see Him as you do. Help me to remember to pray for His heart daily. Grow our relationship emotionally and spiritually as together we pursue You in all things.

relationships · Uncategorized

Relationships – marriage and in-laws (yes eeeek!)

As part of my studies this year I have to practice counselling skills with friends and family – lucky them!

A few weeks ago I spoke with my mother-in-law.

We have a very up and down relationship –  from my viewpoint at least.

She is incredibly helpful in terms of child care but she is also…at times…hard to handle. Sadly my husband has a poor-ish relationship with her, for which he has his reasons but nonetheless I would love to see him also acknowledge what she does for him, out of love. Actually my husbands family’s dynamics are all a bit foreign to me. They are not overly communicative and although close(ish) don’t really seem to connect with each other on an emotional level.

It was very interesting and eye-opening talking with her. Their marriage has its issues (don’t they all?!) and I’ve been seeing it from my husband and his Dad’s perspective without realising it.

I hate seeing them the way they are. It’s obviously not healthy for them but nor is it healthy for my own relationship for this to be the role-models in our (ok husbands) lives. I hope they can find a way to communicate better to each other both their needs and desires just as I hope my husband and I can continue to improve our communication and relationship – this marriage thing is a tough gig.