life · relationships · Uncategorized

Three Thoughts

My first personal memory of a community in mourning was when a woman was murdered from a previous workplace of mine. Even when you may not be closely associated with a person, the magnitude of the loss of their life can still floor you. I guess that is how it is for some people with celebrity deaths.

In recent times my local community has been struck by tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. As I watched footage tonight of six young pall bearers I reflected on the honour that no person wants but that I was so blessed to have for My Friend. Thought One.

Secondly I’ve finally had the ‘holiday’ experience I’ve been dreaming of this week – ending the day with episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. But (spoiler alert) I’m watching the episodes about Keppner and Avery’s baby and reflecting on the choice I was once given to terminate my pregnancy. Mostly I consider the blessing I had to continue to carry him in my womb, for which I will forever be grateful. Thought Two.

Today was about tax, work notes, Telstra and chores. Thought Three – I hate end of year time as part of my in-laws family business. I hate what I feel to be judgement and a complete misunderstanding of who I am and my values. But on the bright side hubby and I have been communicating well and that is something I wish I could hang onto for all time.

Any thoughts you care to get off you chest?

God bless

parenting · Uncategorized

A Harry Good Day

Checking my daughters bag for notes etc. the other morning I found a letter from the school. They are looking at enrolment numbers for their Recpetion class in 2017 and it had been noted that our son Harry would be eligible to start school next year.

Harry is my beautiful son in heaven. He was stillborn 21st December 2011 at 24 weeks gestation.

Needless to say I felt a bit angry and took the note in with me to school. After dropping off my daughter, I made my way to the front desk. Our lovely receptionist was on duty and I shared with her my issue, that I had been sent a letter asking if my dead son would be attending school next year.

I know it was an honest mistake. I had put Harry’s details on my daughters enrolment forms. I hadn’t noted he was stillborn just put dashes n the columns asking what school he would be attending and what year. And I do have a living son although he is still two years off starting school and his name is not Harry.

The receptionist apologised for the mistake and I left for my work day. It didn’t feel resolved, I wanted to explain in more detail….

I don’t always write Harry’s details on forms and most often when asked how many children I have I answer 2. But I do relish opportunities to share about my son, even on an annoying form so while I was a bit horrified to receive the letter, it was also nice to reflect that wow he would have been starting school next year – wow.

Later that day while with I client I heard my phone vibrating a call. When I checked between clients I had a message from hubby and assumed he had called. But then I listened to the 101 message from my daughters teacher.

It was a beautiful message again apologising, acknowledging my grief and sharing their prayers for me. I felt a lot better and proud of the school, particularly the receptionist for having discussed it further and taken action – it really is a caring environment, a great place for my children to be educated.

But the best part of all this – Harry was part of my day, a big part of my day and to be honest, that felt wonderful.

I didn’t want anyone to feel bad or uncomfortable but today I got to acknowledge my precious son and that made it a Harry Good Day


(related post Genetics)




I read this post yesterday by Carly Findlay ( and was left teary, and grateful for such a brave well written piece.

My second child was stillborn at 24 weeks. We found out after our 20 week scan that this precious baby had significant medical problems. I am anti-abortion* and while this option was presented to us it was never really considered.
After my son passed away we agreed to an autopsy, results were relatively inconclusive but the recommendation the geneticist gave us based on the results was that there was a 1 in 4 chance of any future pregnancies experiencing the same difficulties i.e. brain and muscle abnormalities, in the case of our first son affecting his heart causing death
When he died all I wanted was another baby, so we rolled the dice and we got our second son, perfectly healthy. But I will never roll that dice again because I could not live with myself if we had a child with a disability** and I one day wished to myself that that child had never been born. I know this could easily happen. I am far from a perfect parent and while I would love this potential baby with all my heart there would be days I’m sure when it would feel just too hard.
This decision makes me horribly sad (although not so much now that I’ve come to peace with it and acknowledged there are other contributing factors to my decision i.e. pregnancy symptoms suffered with all three of my children).
There is no point to this response I just wanted to share my story.
*I used to say pro-life, but read an argument that some pro-choicers said we may as well say anti-abortion and I can live with that as that is my stance
** please don’t read this as I couldn’t live with a child with a disability rather it is the feelings I might have towards this child and having the fore-knowledge of this that I could not live with