Genetics

I read this post yesterday by Carly Findlay (http://carlyfindlay.blogspot.com.au/2015/06/my-unborn-child-has-inspired-me-to_61.html#comment-form) and was left teary, and grateful for such a brave well written piece.

My second child was stillborn at 24 weeks. We found out after our 20 week scan that this precious baby had significant medical problems. I am anti-abortion* and while this option was presented us it was never really considered.
After my son passed away we agreed to an autopsy, results were relatively inconclusive but the recommendation the geneticist gave us based on the results was that there was a 1 in 4 chance of any future pregnancies experiencing the same difficulties ie brain and muscle abnormalities, in the case of our first son affecting his heart causing death
When he died all I wanted was another baby, so we rolled the dice and we got our second son, perfectly healthy. But I will never roll that dice again because I could not live with myself if we had a child with a disability** and I one day wished to myself that that child had never been born. I know this could easily happen. I am far from a perfect parent and while I would love this potential baby with all my heart there would be days I’m sure when it would feel just too hard.
This decision makes me horribly sad (although not so much now that I’ve come to peace with it and acknowledged there are other contributing factors to my decision ie pregnancy symptoms suffered with all three of my children).
There is no point to this response I just wanted to share my story.
*I used to say pro-life, but read an argument that some pro-choicers said we may as well say anti-abortion and I can live with that as that is my stance
** please don’t read this as I couldn’t live with a child with a disability rather it is the feelings I might have towards this child and having the fore-knowledge of this that I could not live with
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4 thoughts on “Genetics

  1. Hey Jen, thank you so much for writing this and sharing your link with me. What a tough time for you – I am sorry for your loss. I agree, it is a hard decision to make but my experience has shown me that disability is not the worst thing that could happen.
    Much love x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for replying Carly – you are a bit famous to me so I feel very honured!

    I hope I was able to express that I do not believe disability is the worst thing that could happen to someone. I think it is more societies views on disabililty that are restricting and hurtful and my own failiings as a person that would cause pain to myself and potentially my child.

    Like

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