life · parenting · reviews

My Hats, My Inadequacies and My Readings

It appears I’ve had a bit of a hiatus from the blogosphere. Similarly it appears that the end of school holidays is my time for posting. So here I am again, this time at the end of Term 3 holidays, relaxed and inpired enough to make time to sit in front of the screen and type out a post.

We were ready for these holidays, worn out from our routines and ready for a break, and yet I largely spent my time feeling inadequate and guilty, then trying not to let these feelings take me down. We did participate in various activities and particularly enjoyed recent days as a whole family in our capital city (family, friends, adventures, beach, soccer fields, viva pinata!) but I found the days long and screen and snack time difficult to manage. I kept my head above water and am coming out of this time especially motivated to build my business – I’m thinking this may help me justify OSHC next holidays!

My Hats:

  • Parenting is number one but it can be at the same time the hardest and easiest. My children are old enough to do much themselves (easy) but there is so much scope for more active parenting on my behalf (oh so hard). My son is pushing boundaries (do they ever not!) and gets so easily angry at home. My daughter is growing too quickly for me to keep up, she doesn’t share easily and I want to work on our relationship so I can feel more confident she will reach out if needed.
  • Family – keeping house and feeding the tribe – I feel happy when I’m on top of dishes and washing and we’ve done (the kids and I) something each day – walk, outing, cards, soccer.
  • Renovations – we are moving house sometime before the year is out and completing renovations before we do – I had hoped the holidays would be time to get on top of this but it felt overwhelming to work on independently and my husband was not readily available – my mind debated if this was excuse or truth
  • Volunteering – I had a few tasks for one role that I wanted to tick off, I got there but it was frustrating not to just get in and get it done earlier. Another role I was happy to take a backseat on during holidays, especially following some recent negativity but again some frustration arose with opportunities missed due to lack of – well it wasn’t exactly time, nor was it motivation perhaps a combination of the two and difficulty accessing timely support. Another role is ending prematurely not by anyone’s choice with some sadness.
  • Work – wonderfully flexible and slow in holidays but again the opportunity to catch up on PD (professional development) or other such ‘always there’ jobs went wanting

I did finally start Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning (good for PD) – this book helped me move from my mother-guilt to what other purpose or meaning I could be searching for. The movie Carrie Pilby also spoke of purpose and touched my heart

AND I bookended the holidays with 2 wonderful reads, both South-Australian authors:

The Bards of Birchtree Hall by Amanda Maynard-Schubert – I got to read this pre-release date, and as number one in a trilogy it’s going to be a struggle to wait – it is the beginning of the story of Neala ‘Stormbringer’ Moran as she discovers she’s part-faerie – I fell immediately in love with this book. Neala’s voice was just so relatable, open and honest, it felt like home. Each character introduced intrigued me and the relationships felt so genuine. It’s Harry Potter in flavour but wonderfully different. The elemental nature of the magic, the importance of music and the learning styles at Birchtree are truly unique.

The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams – Based on the creation of the Oxford English Dictionary the author was considering questions of ‘Do words mean different things to men and women? And if they do, is it possible that we have lost something in the process of defining them?’ Again a beautiful and diverse cast of characters around the main character Esme who we follow from childhood through the women’s suffrage movement and the Great War, finding her own purpose. I love historical fiction especially when it inspires me, as it did today, to google and google to find out more!

Love to the blogging community

GJ

ps I do NOT get this new editor….adding photos anyone??

life · parenting · relationships · Uncategorized

Great Expectations

This blog has been a real struggle, choosing a topic and finding the energy to flesh it out. Mostly I wanted to write about how tired (and GRUMPY) I am but I couldn’t see that being overly entertaining. I’m disappointed in myself, I really want to give this blogging thing a good go – weekly posts or at least fortnightly but it has now been 18 days since my last post. At the same time I know I don’t want it to be an extra pressure of something to do on the never-ending list.

This last weekend was our least busy in goodness knows how long and I’d been looking forward to it so much, but then n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Even after a week of turning down fun activities (Australia vs England netball game, bookclub, Bad Moms with some wonderful Mummy friends) in order to catch up on much needed sleep, I was STILL tired.

We have reached a golden part of the year, a break between footbal and cricket seasons, a time to FINALLY get some bigger jobs done around the house, I have SO much I want to achieve but…but…but….

The topic I actually chose to write about this week was friendships. I spent last week emotionally drained by a hard one, only to find when I caught up with the person involved, that the big deal I’d made it out to be didn’t eventuate at all. I’ve also come to see I’m very jealous of others friendships, particularly what I see posted on good ‘ole FB. I think the answer is devoting time for building my own friendships, unfortunately  I’m tired AND grumpy.  Sorry does seem to be the recurring theme!

I do have great friends who seem to accept me as I am but I want a bosom buddy, even if that’s not really my style. I’m more of a floater, trying to be friends with everyone, at the same time not really getting close with anyone. At a party I flit around from one group to another, chatting with everyone but in some ways no one. Ideally I would love that one friend I could go sit with absolutely whenever and know we can talk or just sit together.

All this said I AM generally content with my friendships, although just lately wishing I could visibly recognise effort others put in versus just me. I also wish I could let loose and not think about the housework I could be doing with free time instead of catching up with friends.

Life’s busyness and motherhood makes devoting time to friendships, let’s face it, even just yourself hard but family and children are worth all their energy sapping-ness. This morning I watched my boy climbing sheep fences, tank ladders and enjoying time with his father and grandfather. This totally makes life meaningful. (And on the housework side of things even if the big jobs didn’t get done on the weekend I still managed to stay on top of the laundry which feels great – thanks Flylady). Plus my hubby hasn’t stopped talking to me despite my snappiness and my daughter is starting to accept my music choices in the car – it’s been a good day.

 

 

* I think routine (already established during the week) helps, wonder what I can do with free weekends to balance letting go and being productive?!?

 

life · Uncategorized

Those Moments

I want to write about two things today – both are moments that make you stop and take stock, one more positive than the other, and we’ll start with that.

I’ve been extra in love with my kids this week – do you ever have times like that where they just seem extra cute and you have the energy to really appreciate them? Could quite likely be a little boys birthday coming up making me especially sentimental but I’ve found myself this week just wishing at numerous times to stop and take a photo, find some way to capture and remember their joy for life, their love for me and each other and their uniqueness. I love these moments!

Unfortunately I’ve experienced other moments which I have no fear of forgetting – they will always remain, the experience of answering those dreaded phone calls

There was a funeral last week of a fun and cheerful man, a loving husband and a fantastic father. He was my cousins husband. I was doing work at Mum and Dads when my uncle rang – I chatted to him easily, giving him his sisters mobile number and then he told me the reason for his call – this man had died whilst on a bucks show…utter devastation.

 

And it took me back to 2011 when in the early hours of the morning I received  a phone call from my husbands brother’s father in law. I was standing at our phone with speaker on, unable to find the cordless when he asked me to sit down. I thought immediately of the baby that had just been born, but no this man’s daughter had died, was gone – how could this be…

Two things in life nothing can every prepare you for – the love you feel for your children and the overwhelming sadness of loss.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.’

Alfred Lord Tennyson

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