life · parenting · relationships · Uncategorized

Great Expectations

This blog has been a real struggle, choosing a topic and finding the energy to flesh it out. Mostly I wanted to write about how tired (and GRUMPY) I am but I couldn’t see that being overly entertaining. I’m disappointed in myself, I really want to give this blogging thing a good go – weekly posts or at least fortnightly but it has now been 18 days since my last post. At the same time I know I don’t want it to be an extra pressure of something to do on the never-ending list.

This last weekend was our least busy in goodness knows how long and I’d been looking forward to it so much, but then n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Even after a week of turning down fun activities (Australia vs England netball game, bookclub, Bad Moms with some wonderful Mummy friends) in order to catch up on much needed sleep, I was STILL tired.

We have reached a golden part of the year, a break between footbal and cricket seasons, a time to FINALLY get some bigger jobs done around the house, I have SO much I want to achieve but…but…but….

The topic I actually chose to write about this week was friendships. I spent last week emotionally drained by a hard one, only to find when I caught up with the person involved, that the big deal I’d made it out to be didn’t eventuate at all. I’ve also come to see I’m very jealous of others friendships, particularly what I see posted on good ‘ole FB. I think the answer is devoting time for building my own friendships, unfortunately  I’m tired AND grumpy.  Sorry does seem to be the recurring theme!

I do have great friends who seem to accept me as I am but I want a bosom buddy, even if that’s not really my style. I’m more of a floater, trying to be friends with everyone, at the same time not really getting close with anyone. At a party I flit around from one group to another, chatting with everyone but in some ways no one. Ideally I would love that one friend I could go sit with absolutely whenever and know we can talk or just sit together.

All this said I AM generally content with my friendships, although just lately wishing I could visibly recognise effort others put in versus just me. I also wish I could let loose and not think about the housework I could be doing with free time instead of catching up with friends.

Life’s busyness and motherhood makes devoting time to friendships, let’s face it, even just yourself hard but family and children are worth all their energy sapping-ness. This morning I watched my boy climbing sheep fences, tank ladders and enjoying time with his father and grandfather. This totally makes life meaningful. (And on the housework side of things even if the big jobs didn’t get done on the weekend I still managed to stay on top of the laundry which feels great – thanks Flylady). Plus my hubby hasn’t stopped talking to me despite my snappiness and my daughter is starting to accept my music choices in the car – it’s been a good day.

 

 

* I think routine (already established during the week) helps, wonder what I can do with free weekends to balance letting go and being productive?!?

 

life · Uncategorized

Those Moments

I want to write about two things today – both are moments that make you stop and take stock, one more positive than the other, and we’ll start with that.

I’ve been extra in love with my kids this week – do you ever have times like that where they just seem extra cute and you have the energy to really appreciate them? Could quite likely be a little boys birthday coming up making me especially sentimental but I’ve found myself this week just wishing at numerous times to stop and take a photo, find some way to capture and remember their joy for life, their love for me and each other and their uniqueness. I love these moments!

Unfortunately I’ve experienced other moments which I have no fear of forgetting – they will always remain, the experience of answering those dreaded phone calls

There was a funeral last week of a fun and cheerful man, a loving husband and a fantastic father. He was my cousins husband. I was doing work at Mum and Dads when my uncle rang – I chatted to him easily, giving him his sisters mobile number and then he told me the reason for his call – this man had died whilst on a bucks show…utter devastation.

 

And it took me back to 2011 when in the early hours of the morning I received  a phone call from my husbands brother’s father in law. I was standing at our phone with speaker on, unable to find the cordless when he asked me to sit down. I thought immediately of the baby that had just been born, but no this man’s daughter had died, was gone – how could this be…

Two things in life nothing can every prepare you for – the love you feel for your children and the overwhelming sadness of loss.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.’

Alfred Lord Tennyson

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