life · relationships · Uncategorized

So Much More than Just a Sport

I’ve wanted to write for quite a while about a topic very close to my heart. despite the fact I can easily imagine others looking at it as a complete non-issue. I’d like to start therefore by proclaiming that I am a strong believer in the concept that it takes a village to raise a child. Indeed I am very fortunate to be among wonderful supportive ‘villages’ that both make my parenting life easier and also enrich the lives of my children. A predominant one of these villages is my sporting community. My husband is an avid aussie rules and cricket player, so year long our saturdays are taken up by sport, our sundays by recuperation and the week for preparation. I also play and love netball but this year made the BIG decision not to play for the same club as my husband but another local club which plays in a different league.

It was an incredibly hard decision to make, especially when at the start of the season I was basing the decision most pressingly on a memory I had that I wanted to change clubs next year. At the start of the season I couldn’t precisely remember why I’d been feeling that way but I decided to trust that memory and try out for another club.

Things that made the decision difficult:

  • I love the club I was leaving behind – the people and the sense of community
  • They were struggling for netball numbers – actually I thought they would only have one team instead of the usual two which meant I’d be ok
  • Friends not understanding why I was making the decision

One thing that would have changed my mind:

  • My husband was very against the idea. He’d said so and yet (and yet) he didn’t (wouldn’t) discuss it with me. He wouldn’t give me his reasons and he didn’t (wouldn’t) ask for mine.

My husband won his grand final yesterday, I am so happy for him and proud BUT I am also now sitting here in bed reflecting (crying involved) on why I want to make the same decision again next year. I’ve decided to put finger to keyboard and communicate some of these reflections.

Reasons I made the decision:

  • The lifestyle/culture – the only way to celebrate a grand final is to drink all night and all day, or at least that’s how it feels to me. I’m not good at this. I get tired and grumpy and unsociable. I’m more a stay home, read a book, cuddle up kinda girl.
    • I don’t think my husband minds this about me but I feel like I miss out. I want to be apart of his victory, I want to celebrate with him but it just doesn’t work that way.
    • There are other wives/girlfriends who seem to be able to do this and I’m jealous.
  • As I’ve said I LOVE so many people part of this sporting club. My children have so much fun with friends there. I decided though that there’s a difference between loving people and wanting to spend majority of your time with them. They are my family but they are not the people I would sit down and chat with for 4+ hours on a weekly basis. We are different and that’s ok.*
  • I started to hate particularly after training nights walking in and waiting to find someone to sit with. It was a weekly decision/agony and why should I put myself through that?
  • Training nights were the same for both me and my husband making child care difficult. Also due to tea and socializing they were late.
  • Relationship/family stuff – I would always feel like as soon as we arrived at the footy oval my husband would clock off. Now was his time to prepare for the game while I was responsible for the childcare even though involved in my own sporting game. He would often be last out of the change rooms and sometimes I would feel that even after he did arrive out he would not look to acknowledge or come see me. This was his domain.

It was the right decision to make, for me. Not so much our family, we missed out on travelling together for games and the kids missed out on seeing as much of their friends. I would still often head out to club rooms after my games, which would be nice but not great. I enjoyed playing netball with a different group of girls. I enjoyed that the focus was solely on netball and not working on maintaining a whole community. I also appreciated the flexibility of training on a different night.

But now we are at the end of the season (actually I still get to play in a grand final next weekend!) and I still feel the same way about many of these issues. I believe it’s important to my husband for me to be there as a sign of support but I want to be wanted for my company.

There is no conclusion to this story, it’s a work in progress. In good news for me though my husband and I are starting to see a counselor so maybe just maybe by the start of next season we will be making a decision together.

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*I’d like to note that some of these people I would happily spend endless hours with and that some of my feelings are likely overly swayed by my moods. I also want to say how supportive many of these people have been – a number will be there to watch me at my grand final next week and an even larger number asked me yesterday how my team went.

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faith · life · relationships · Uncategorized

I am enough – hope continues

Felt a bit down this afternoon, even though in general it’s been a great weekend.  I have this one friendship in which I feel I can’t do anything right, or more so I keep doing the wrong thing. So as a bit of a pick me up I’m going to allow myself a bit of a brag moment of the things I have been doing right, so excuse me for blowing my own horn but sometimes we all need a reminder that we are enough.

  • I dropped off some soup to my sick brother-in-law today, his girlfriend is overseas and even though his ill health meant Hubby had extra work to do  AND even though the soup was shop bought, it certainly felt like a very old fashioned nice thing to do
  • Got a birthday present right, even brought my OT knowledge in to do it
  • Hosted a party for our boarder
  • Have a few friends going through some tough times lately and I feel like I’ve been able to be there for a friendly message, catch up or organising a special treat – indeed these very things are a part of what I value most in life….

And it certainly changes the world for me. Makes me feel that who I am is enough to make a difference in a person’s life. The hope that all it takes is a kind word, a friendly smile to make the world a better place.

It’s a pretty awesome feeling actually.

 

Have you done a feel good deed lately?

 

 

life · parenting · relationships · Uncategorized

Great Expectations

This blog has been a real struggle, choosing a topic and finding the energy to flesh it out. Mostly I wanted to write about how tired (and GRUMPY) I am but I couldn’t see that being overly entertaining. I’m disappointed in myself, I really want to give this blogging thing a good go – weekly posts or at least fortnightly but it has now been 18 days since my last post. At the same time I know I don’t want it to be an extra pressure of something to do on the never-ending list.

This last weekend was our least busy in goodness knows how long and I’d been looking forward to it so much, but then n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Even after a week of turning down fun activities (Australia vs England netball game, bookclub, Bad Moms with some wonderful Mummy friends) in order to catch up on much needed sleep, I was STILL tired.

We have reached a golden part of the year, a break between footbal and cricket seasons, a time to FINALLY get some bigger jobs done around the house, I have SO much I want to achieve but…but…but….

The topic I actually chose to write about this week was friendships. I spent last week emotionally drained by a hard one, only to find when I caught up with the person involved, that the big deal I’d made it out to be didn’t eventuate at all. I’ve also come to see I’m very jealous of others friendships, particularly what I see posted on good ‘ole FB. I think the answer is devoting time for building my own friendships, unfortunately  I’m tired AND grumpy.  Sorry does seem to be the recurring theme!

I do have great friends who seem to accept me as I am but I want a bosom buddy, even if that’s not really my style. I’m more of a floater, trying to be friends with everyone, at the same time not really getting close with anyone. At a party I flit around from one group to another, chatting with everyone but in some ways no one. Ideally I would love that one friend I could go sit with absolutely whenever and know we can talk or just sit together.

All this said I AM generally content with my friendships, although just lately wishing I could visibly recognise effort others put in versus just me. I also wish I could let loose and not think about the housework I could be doing with free time instead of catching up with friends.

Life’s busyness and motherhood makes devoting time to friendships, let’s face it, even just yourself hard but family and children are worth all their energy sapping-ness. This morning I watched my boy climbing sheep fences, tank ladders and enjoying time with his father and grandfather. This totally makes life meaningful. (And on the housework side of things even if the big jobs didn’t get done on the weekend I still managed to stay on top of the laundry which feels great – thanks Flylady). Plus my hubby hasn’t stopped talking to me despite my snappiness and my daughter is starting to accept my music choices in the car – it’s been a good day.

 

 

* I think routine (already established during the week) helps, wonder what I can do with free weekends to balance letting go and being productive?!?